Not Tonight, Darling! by Kirsten Ahlburg

Author:Kirsten Ahlburg
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: SAGA
Published: 2016-12-22T10:14:50+00:00

7 | The Importance of Your

Consciousness

The Woman’s and the Man’s Opinions

As consciousness forms a large part of sexuality, and as the way the sexual act is experienced depends on what consciousness is occupied with, it is a good idea to find out what your opinions about sex are. It often turns out that the woman and the man in a relationship with sexual problems have very different attitudes towards sex.

The woman’s opinion may run like, say, ‘Sex is about togetherness. It’s a way of consummating the fundamental feeling of love and intimacy. Sex is not related to me or my own life. It’s something to engage in only with a partner. You can give expression to deep emotions through sex.

The man’s opinion may run like, say, ‘Sex is a natural thing. A need all human beings have, and which can be fulfilled in solitude or with a partner. You can be stimulated by watching blue movies or attending striptease shows. Sex is independent of emotions. Suddenly you will feel the desire. It doesn’t have to be developed in everyday life, but when you feel it, it must have an outlet.’

If two such people meet, they can easily have a tremendous sex life in the period of infatuation. There will probably be plenty of togetherness and love in their sex life, and the man’s natural craving for sex will be satisfied as soon as he is aroused. But after some years of couplehood they will most likely run into problems. The woman will withdraw into herself if love and intimacy are not prominent enough for her in her everyday life, and she will feel that the man is putting pressure on her if he makes advances when she is not aroused. The man will probably feel that the woman is cold and discouraging, and wonder what is happening to her.

If two people with opinions as different as those are to make their sex life work, it is important that they respect each other’s opinions. Then they can try to approach each other by trying to find their partner’s way of seeing things within themselves. In the above case the woman must try to find her natural sexual desire and allow herself to feel it irrespectively of the man’s presence. The man must try to find his own need for intimacy and love in his everyday life. In that way it will be easier for them to meet in a shared opinion.

Feelings and Thoughts

People’s feelings towards their partner make a big difference to their sex life. If they feel good seeing their partner, and are cheerful and elated when they are together, it will affect their thoughts. These will be positive. And then there are much better chances for a good sex life than if they feel and think about one another in a negative way. A woman may find it difficult to have sex with a man if she feels like this: ‘He’s tiresome.

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